“Loving-kindness” is a beautiful translation of the Pali word “metta” (“maitri” in Sanskrit), evoking the purest form of love, a form we can feel for all beings that is characterised by benevolence and goodwill. Loving-kindness meditation or metta bhavana (“bhavana” meaning “cultivation”) is a Buddhist form of meditation, but the concept of loving-kindness is also found in pre-Buddhist tradition, Hinduism and Jainism. What would your life look like if you made loving-kindness your core state of being? What would your life look like if you saw love as something to be practised, a muscle to be trained, rather than a feeling that comes and goes or is only elicited by certain people or circumstances? What effect would this have on those closest to you? And in the world?
This Valentine’s Day, many people’s focus will be on the love they have for their romantic partners. Most days, the focus of our love is on those closest to us and the people we encounter in daily life. We may also love ourselves or be working towards self-love. The practice of loving-kindness meditation allows us to extend these feelings of love not only to those whom we regularly act lovingly towards but also to those we often overlook, including acquaintances, people we have difficulties with, strangers, animals, plants, and the planet itself.
Below is a brief description of a loving-kindness meditation/metta bhavana to provide an overview and a guide for practice. More detailed versions are readily available online either as text or recordings.
- Begin in a comfortable seated position or lying down. Cultivate a mindful state by focusing on the sensations of the body, and then on the breath.
- Cultivate feelings of unconditional love within yourself by focusing on someone who extends unconditional love to you, or who has done in the past. If you have difficulty bringing this to mind right now, you can imagine how it might feel to experience unconditional love. Focus on this feeling and bask in the sensations it creates.
- Now imagine that you are the source of this feeling rather than only the recipient, and begin to direct this feeling towards yourself while affirming “May I be well. May I be happy. May I be peacefully at ease.” (There are other variations of this affirmation that you can find and that you may prefer—this is a briefer version.) Be conscious of the significance and intention behind the words as you say them.
- Next, extend this feeling to someone that you love dearly, such as a family member, partner or friend. Evoke the feeling or image of this person in the mind’s eye while affirming “May you be well. May you be happy. May you be peacefully at ease.”
- Next, extend this feeling and affirmation to people you feel more neutrally towards, such as acquaintances. May you be well. May you be happy. May you be peacefully at ease.
- Next, experiment with extending this feeling and affirmation to people you find difficult. This could be anyone—from someone you find mildly irritating to someone who has hurt you deeply, or whom you consider to be an enemy, rival or adversary. May you be well. May you be happy. May you be peacefully at ease.
- From here, you can focus your loving-kindness even further outwards. You can repeat the same methods above for your community, town, country, and the whole world. You can direct loving-kindness to other communities or groups of people you don’t belong to. You can direct it to animals and all animal life, from tiny insects to enormous elephants and whales, and to plants, trees, the planet Earth as a living organism, and the universe as a whole. The possibilities of your focus are endless. May all beings be well. May all beings be happy. May all beings be peacefully at ease.
- Rest in the feelings of loving-kindness that you have created. Re-ground yourself if you like by refocusing on your breath and body. Come back into the present moment.
- You may wish to reflect in your mind or in writing on any thoughts or feelings that have arisen—all are welcome.
This can be practised every day and for as briefly or as long as you like. If you do not feel ready or inclined to start a metta practice, why not set an intention to embody the spirit of loving-kindness in your everyday life? You could also repeat the affirmations above without partaking in the entire meditation.
Metta bhavana has the power to help us remember how connected we are to others—how all people are connected through our wish to be happy, well, and have peace of mind. It allows us to recognise the humanity within everyone, including those we dislike or disagree with. This Valentine’s Day, or whenever this blog finds you, let us make a commitment to embody the spirit of loving-kindness wherever possible—the supply of love is infinite, and there is always room to give more.